Ashu Bhoir

My name is Ashu, I am a transwoman (She/Her).
I work at the NGO, Humsafar Trust, Mumbai, as a monitoring and evaluation officer and take care of accounts as well for the past 12 years.
I was assigned male at birth but always felt like a girl within.
I kept feeling something was 'not right'.
Whenever people said 'you are a boy', it never felt right to me.
I felt broken often and my faith in myself was often broken by people.
I was told 'how wrong' I was though I never wished ill for anyone, so I used to wonder why people freely commented on me, until I realized that I don't fit these socially constructed norms (of gender). 

And then something happened. Just as the first dose of water on fire which erupts on oil, only makes the fire blaze higher, the shaming and accusations (of people) gave me a blaze of resolve that took me into my transition journey. All through I kept thinking that I need to see the person I am in the mirror. Today when I face the mirror, I know this is the real me, yes this is.

But this metamorphosis brought many realizations – like what it is to be a 'woman'. While I may not experience menstruation, I can certainly experience the societal prejudices on it.
The dangers of traveling solo or traveling late at night and the taboos around them are all first-time experiences for me post transition. What 'women can and can't do' has been a revelation of societal curbs and structures. I even experience what women who haven't birthed children experience – it's almost a punishment to be a woman and perhaps this is why women somewhere internalize the idea that they don't want to be girls in future lives.

My poem Bal Vivaah (child marriage) is based on these realizations post my transition.